How to Cope with a whole Narcissistic Family?!

 How to Cope with a whole Narcissistic Family, Possible Solutions

Narcissists are particularly difficult for family members who can’t avoid them. Many people have some traits, but not the full disorder, people with a severe pattern of constant criticisms, arrogant statements, preoccupation with themselves, disparaging remarks, and demands for admiration.

You know that this not only gets very tiresome, it can also wear down your own self-esteem, be exhausting, and absorb a huge amount of your time without providing any benefit in return.

This message offers some enlightenment for coping. Do not call them a narcissist. This is always tempting, but it typically backfires and makes things worse. Usually calling someone a narcissist is intended to make them stop and think about the damage they are doing.

People with narcissistic personality disorder can’t reflect on their own behavior and instead become obsessed with proving that you are the one with a problem. They are better at doing that than you can ever be. It’s true that they do not self-reflect and gain insights from people’s feedback, no matter how constructive or intense it may be. Just forget about it! You’re not going to give them insight into themselves. And you may make your relationship worse.

Examples in Some cases in an adult child angrily confronted the parent, telling them they had narcissistic personality. Afterwards, the parent kept dropping by the house uninvited to say, “What you said about me just isn’t true, demanding apologies or I’ll keep coming back until you do. After all I have done for you, I can’t believe how ungrateful you are!”   Do not argue with them.

It doesn’t help to argue with them. They’re not going to have insights from your feedback. And you don’t need to defend yourself, because it isn’t about you. It’s really about them and their personality and lack of interpersonal skills. They tend to see things in all-or-nothing terms so that the fault is all yours and all the victimhood as theirs. You can’t change that. They constantly see themselves as victims-in-life, treated so unfairly by those around them, without any recognition of their own part in the problem—which may actually be the primary part of the problem. Arguing just puts them in the emotional parts of their brains where they shift into high gear of defensiveness.

For example, some relationships get hooked into arguments over who is the more intelligent person in the relationship. Narcissists continually put out subtle and blatant messages that their family members are less intelligent than themselves — observations, criticisms that just don’t stop. They must feel superior to feel okay. And even then, it’s a shaky feeling of superiority which they have to constantly shore up by putting others down. In high-conflicts, narcissists fill  with their stories of how incompetent financially, morally, and otherwise. Courtship stories of how wonderful they are and how special they will treat you become opposite: They put you down to protect their superior self-image. They’re just telling the “truth,” they insist. Don’t be surprised by this.

Do focus on choices, yours and theirs. People with narcissistic personalities are frequent complainers about their everyday lives. They insist that people treat them unfairly and without the great respect. They also do not see how their own behavior influences how others avoid them or criticize them in return. If your family member is talking to you in this manner, simply let them know that they have some choices in the situation.

Example, “That’s too bad. Sounds like you might want to put your energy somewhere else, or realize that so-and-so isn’t going to give you what you want. You always have a choice of what to do or who to be around. Good luck with that.” At the same time, it helps to know that you have choices, too. Being around a narcissist can be emotionally draining and trigger unnecessary self-criticism. You can choose to avoid them, limit your time together, or have someone else with you when you are around the person. Just thinking that you have choices often helps it feel less stressful. Also, know that you can choose to set limits. Do set limits on what you will do for them.

You cannot control a narcissist’s behavior; you can control your own. Instead of trying to get them to change, look at how you can change. One of the first places to look is at ways you may tolerate or support their narcissism. In many families, a narcissistic sibling or child slowly takes over by demanding the most attention and loyalty, insulting everyone (even parents), violating the family’s rules, and manipulating its decision-making. You do not have to cooperate.

You can withdraw your participation in their actions against others, or even behavior toward yourself: “If you’re going to speak to me that way, I’m going to have to end this conversation.” “I’m sorry, but I can’t go with you when you confront other family members, etc. I don’t agree that they have done anything wrong.”  

I have seen adult narcissists in court bring parents and siblings to support them in their legal conflicts such as lawsuits against neighbors, exes, former colleagues or employers, etc. The parents and siblings often appear worn out after a lifetime reluctantly coping with and trying to support their narcissistic family member; trying to placate them so they will calm down or not be angry with them.

The trouble is that this has no positive outcome. It’s better to set limits sooner rather than later.   Get support and consultation. People feel alone when dealing with a narcissistic family member.

Your own self-esteem may be worn down after all the insults, criticisms, and public humiliation. Yet with support from friends and/or professionals—such as counselors, lawyers, and others—you can get perspective and learn that you don’t have to be embarrassed. There are millions of narcissists and they are good at making their family members feel like they have a unique problem so that they are too ashamed to deal with it by speaking to others outside the family.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your family member may be suffering from a disorder they don’t understand and didn’t ask to have. Tolerating their dysfunction does no one any good.

I have seen many adult children, parents, siblings, and partners gain strength by discussing their situation with a therapist or with friends and deciding on a step-by-step course of action to stop enabling the narcissistic family member. In some cases, they end up cutting ties, but in many others, they learn to get some distance emotionally so that they no longer feel obligated to engage with their narcissism while still staying connected as a family.

As they say , “Let go with love.” This doesn’t have to mean having no contact. It can mean letting go of certain interactions, discussing certain topics, or having certain conversations at all. You can say, “I need to go now. Talk to you later.” And quickly move on. Over time it gets easier. Sometimes writing out what you are going to say in advance can give you confidence, including how you will respond to their predictable disparaging comments when you set limits. Or you can have a practice conversation with a counselor or friend before you have a limit-setting conversation in person. 

Conclusion, Millions of people have a narcissist in their family; you’re not alone. These and other tips may help you disengage from the emotional hold they have over you and others. You may be surprised at the energy, free time, and inner peace you gain. It’s not easy, but step by step, it may be possible.

May peace be with us all, always.

Do You Want A Lovely Reminder?!

healinglovepic

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

From :1Corinthians 13:1-8, 13

Dear GOD, Thank you that you are a loving, gracious GOD. Thank you that you’ve offered us forgiveness and the gift of new life in you. Thank you that your love is perfect, it never fails, and that nothing can separate us from your love. We pray that our lives would be filled and overflowing with the power of your love so we can make a difference in this world and bring honor to you. We ask for your help in reminding us that the most important things are not what we do outwardly, it’s not based on any talent or gift, but the most significant thing we can do in this life is simply to love you and to choose to love others. Lord thank you that your love is patient. Help us show patience with those around us.

LORD thank you that your love is kind. Help us to extend kindness to others. LORD thank you that true love is not jealous. Help us cast aside feelings of jealousy or hatred towards others. LORD thank you that your love does not brag and is not arrogant. Help us not to live with pride or arrogance, but to choose to walk with humility and grace. LORD thank you that true love does not act unbecomingly. LORD help us to extend kindness instead of rudeness towards others. Help us to lay aside the critical tone and tearing down with our words, so that we can truly walk in peace.

LORD thank you that true love does not seek its own. LORD help us not to live selfishly, looking only to our own interests. LORD thank you that true love is not provoked. LORD help us not to become easily angered. Help us not to be so quickly reactive, but instead slow to speak and slow to become angry. LORD thank you that your love does not take into account a wrong suffered. Lord help us not to hold grudges, but to choose to forgive, even when it’s difficult.

LORD thank you that your love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. LORD help us to love your words of truth, may we walk in your freedom and wisdom. Let it be what drives our lives and choices every day. LORD thank you that your love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, thank you that your love never fails. Help us to love as you love. Fill us with your Spirit so that we can choose what is best. We are weak LORD, but we know also, that even when we are weak, you are strong within us. Thank you that it’s not all up to us. Thank you that you equip us to face each day with the power of your love, your forgiveness, and your grace.

We love you LORD, and we need you today, and every day,

In JESUS’ Name, Amen.

Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever

IN JESUS CHRIST NAME Amen.

As Christians We Are like Jars of Clay

https://wp.me/p17ihl-2WE

LOVE

The Pain of LOVE…will never Stop… It is inevitable that sometimes love hurts…. It really hurts to love someone and not be loved in return but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel. Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares. Love is painful, because it […]

via The Pleasure of LOVE lasts only for a moment, yet the Pain of LOVE lasts for a lifetime… — Success Inspirers World

Try Healing your Childhood Sexual Abuse

Healing childhood sexual abuse or being sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and unpleasant memories. But no matter how bad you feel, it’s important to remember that you weren’t to blame for what happened and you can regain your sense of safety and trust. Recovering from sexual trauma takes time, and the healing process can be painful. But with the right strategies and support, you can move past the trauma, rebuild your sense of control and self-worth, and even come out the other side feeling stronger and more resilient.

Trust –
The inner you that went into hiding, as a child, needs to know the “adult” you is safe. To build trust, treat the wounded “you” the way you would have liked to have been treated when you were little.

Validate – 
Validate you by acknowledging that the sexual abuse you were subjected to (or any abuse) wounded you, clear to the depths of your soul. Your response to being wounded was completely normal under abnormal circumstances.

Be angry – 
It’s okay to be angry. In fact, it’s better than okay. Be enraged at the injustice. You have to get angry before you can get well. Think of your anger as a healthy response. It is.

Grieve – 
Mourn your betrayal, mourn what ‘might have been,’ what your family could have looked like, what a carefree childhood should have felt like. Grieve your loss. People who bury their grief stay stuck in it.

Allow sorrow –
Feel sadness for your inner child’s pain. It was so lonely – this feeling that there was something, somehow, wrong with you.

Face forward – 
Acknowledge your history – but do not let it define you. Believe you are strong enough. You are – you survived. You are stronger than you think.

I am who I am today because of my history. I didn’t choose my mom and dad, I was born to them. I would be a different individual — not better, not worse — just different, had I had another set of parents. What I know is that because I experienced what I did, I understand the heart of another in the way only those who share a history of childhood abuse can. In this I am certain: if I can do it, so can you. Take care. You are always loved & supported.

safe

Selflove & Selfcare SELFISH TO OTHERS?!

Is selflove & selfcare selfish to others? I’ve spent long years telling myself I cannot afford to slowdown, To have even 10 minutes of me time, I have to hustle and work more. Doing that for too long, you will find yourself incredibly exhausted.

It’s time for things to change. Self-care  spending a few minutes each day doing nothing. No thinking, no social media, nothing. Get in touch with your body, your inner self.

It starts from there. Reasons you shouldn’t feel selfish for taking care of yourself.

Authenticity. The moment you decide to give yourself a few minutes of the day, you’re also allowing yourself to be more authentic. If you think you already do, think again.

Try it for a month, don’t wait for the weekends; put in a little extra effort and commit to doing something every day for yourself. It won’t take long before you see some parts of yourself you never thought existed. It allows you to determine which parts are authentically yours and which aren’t—we all have aspects in us that are copied from someone else.

You can only help others if you’re helping yourself first, physically, mentally and spiritually. Desire, passion are not enough. You need a healthy body, open mind to function, which aren’t present if you’re filled with self-doubt. It’s not going to be easy, but worth it. The road to self-care is a tricky one. But it’s necessary. Pretending to be strong 24/7 doesn’t last long. The strength must come from within. It helps you go from existing to living.

Existing is simply being on this tiny blue dot called Earth. Living is experiencing everything this tiny blue dot has to offer. Which are you doing? Are you going to wait for your retirement before you decide you want to enjoy life? for yourself? Although we have responsibilities paying bills, raising children, etc.

We’re also responsible for taking care of ourselves. It will help you find your purpose. You’ve probably asked that question countless times. You might have days, weeks or months where you feel down, unsatisfied, feeling like there should be something more. It’s your body signaling you to take a leap into the unknown, because your purpose is out there, waiting.

How do you know when you find it? You just do. Self-care means trusting yourself. It means being willing to go out in the wild or dig deep. It might be scary, but there’s really no other way to figure out what you’re supposed to do in this world. Practicing self-care and building trust between you and your inner self will help you find purpose in life.

Self-care can be Empowering, as you need it to be.

 Selfcare is not narcissism
For years now  people say that they are being selfish or narcissistic. The suggestion to take care of yourself first gets a bad rap when we begin to do so in the sense that it says “no” to someone else; or we don’t like what the art of taking care of self looks like from our  point of view. We can’t pick and choose how we want people to take care of themselves because it looks insensitive to us because them being in a healthy state of mind might leave us behind, or they need time to themselves for an uncertain amount of time. The person who is taking care of self knows what that looks and feels like to them and because we love them we have to allow them to balance themselves in the best way that they know how.

We have so many people doing the opposite of taking care of themselves to the point of self deprecation and deprivation that it is leaving them in a void. Some of us become co-dependents to the state of martyrdom because it makes us look saintly but underneath we are miserable.

When we deplete ourselves because we have chosen to put others before ourselves over and over again in a way that is unhealthy it places emotional stress and tension on us that can present itself through mental and physical health issues. We have to balance out our energies in a way that replenishes us so that we are able to give to those we love and care for in ways that allow us to give of ourselves in the best light possible.

SELF

 

Let it Go !

Forgive yourself , let go of pain, make room for joy.   Holding on to the past can affect your overall health, release grudges and any negative feelings about yourself of others. Resentment affects your immune system.

Let it go, forgive others, forgive yourself.

Admit your resistance to forgiving, acknowledge how you feel. Know your role, get over betrayal, reflect on how you might have betrayed yourself. When you weren’t loving and respecting yourself or your own truth.  Write a letter to yourself or another person, to stop the blame game, this helps expressing negativity that may be in your soul about yourself or about another being. Even if you don’t give the letter to anyone. Say it aloud, tell yourself you have truly forgiven yourself or any others who may have wronged you. Seal the forgiveness and move forward. Start in your own heart, don’t overlook forgiving yourself.

TO HEAL A WOUND, STOP TOUCHING IT   !!!!!!!!!!!

forgiveyourself.jpg