How to Cope with a whole Narcissistic Family?!

 How to Cope with a whole Narcissistic Family, Possible Solutions

Narcissists are particularly difficult for family members who can’t avoid them. Many people have some traits, but not the full disorder, people with a severe pattern of constant criticisms, arrogant statements, preoccupation with themselves, disparaging remarks, and demands for admiration.

You know that this not only gets very tiresome, it can also wear down your own self-esteem, be exhausting, and absorb a huge amount of your time without providing any benefit in return.

This message offers some enlightenment for coping. Do not call them a narcissist. This is always tempting, but it typically backfires and makes things worse. Usually calling someone a narcissist is intended to make them stop and think about the damage they are doing.

People with narcissistic personality disorder can’t reflect on their own behavior and instead become obsessed with proving that you are the one with a problem. They are better at doing that than you can ever be. It’s true that they do not self-reflect and gain insights from people’s feedback, no matter how constructive or intense it may be. Just forget about it! You’re not going to give them insight into themselves. And you may make your relationship worse.

Examples in Some cases in an adult child angrily confronted the parent, telling them they had narcissistic personality. Afterwards, the parent kept dropping by the house uninvited to say, “What you said about me just isn’t true, demanding apologies or I’ll keep coming back until you do. After all I have done for you, I can’t believe how ungrateful you are!”   Do not argue with them.

It doesn’t help to argue with them. They’re not going to have insights from your feedback. And you don’t need to defend yourself, because it isn’t about you. It’s really about them and their personality and lack of interpersonal skills. They tend to see things in all-or-nothing terms so that the fault is all yours and all the victimhood as theirs. You can’t change that. They constantly see themselves as victims-in-life, treated so unfairly by those around them, without any recognition of their own part in the problem—which may actually be the primary part of the problem. Arguing just puts them in the emotional parts of their brains where they shift into high gear of defensiveness.

For example, some relationships get hooked into arguments over who is the more intelligent person in the relationship. Narcissists continually put out subtle and blatant messages that their family members are less intelligent than themselves — observations, criticisms that just don’t stop. They must feel superior to feel okay. And even then, it’s a shaky feeling of superiority which they have to constantly shore up by putting others down. In high-conflicts, narcissists fill  with their stories of how incompetent financially, morally, and otherwise. Courtship stories of how wonderful they are and how special they will treat you become opposite: They put you down to protect their superior self-image. They’re just telling the “truth,” they insist. Don’t be surprised by this.

Do focus on choices, yours and theirs. People with narcissistic personalities are frequent complainers about their everyday lives. They insist that people treat them unfairly and without the great respect. They also do not see how their own behavior influences how others avoid them or criticize them in return. If your family member is talking to you in this manner, simply let them know that they have some choices in the situation.

Example, “That’s too bad. Sounds like you might want to put your energy somewhere else, or realize that so-and-so isn’t going to give you what you want. You always have a choice of what to do or who to be around. Good luck with that.” At the same time, it helps to know that you have choices, too. Being around a narcissist can be emotionally draining and trigger unnecessary self-criticism. You can choose to avoid them, limit your time together, or have someone else with you when you are around the person. Just thinking that you have choices often helps it feel less stressful. Also, know that you can choose to set limits. Do set limits on what you will do for them.

You cannot control a narcissist’s behavior; you can control your own. Instead of trying to get them to change, look at how you can change. One of the first places to look is at ways you may tolerate or support their narcissism. In many families, a narcissistic sibling or child slowly takes over by demanding the most attention and loyalty, insulting everyone (even parents), violating the family’s rules, and manipulating its decision-making. You do not have to cooperate.

You can withdraw your participation in their actions against others, or even behavior toward yourself: “If you’re going to speak to me that way, I’m going to have to end this conversation.” “I’m sorry, but I can’t go with you when you confront other family members, etc. I don’t agree that they have done anything wrong.”  

I have seen adult narcissists in court bring parents and siblings to support them in their legal conflicts such as lawsuits against neighbors, exes, former colleagues or employers, etc. The parents and siblings often appear worn out after a lifetime reluctantly coping with and trying to support their narcissistic family member; trying to placate them so they will calm down or not be angry with them.

The trouble is that this has no positive outcome. It’s better to set limits sooner rather than later.   Get support and consultation. People feel alone when dealing with a narcissistic family member.

Your own self-esteem may be worn down after all the insults, criticisms, and public humiliation. Yet with support from friends and/or professionals—such as counselors, lawyers, and others—you can get perspective and learn that you don’t have to be embarrassed. There are millions of narcissists and they are good at making their family members feel like they have a unique problem so that they are too ashamed to deal with it by speaking to others outside the family.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your family member may be suffering from a disorder they don’t understand and didn’t ask to have. Tolerating their dysfunction does no one any good.

I have seen many adult children, parents, siblings, and partners gain strength by discussing their situation with a therapist or with friends and deciding on a step-by-step course of action to stop enabling the narcissistic family member. In some cases, they end up cutting ties, but in many others, they learn to get some distance emotionally so that they no longer feel obligated to engage with their narcissism while still staying connected as a family.

As they say , “Let go with love.” This doesn’t have to mean having no contact. It can mean letting go of certain interactions, discussing certain topics, or having certain conversations at all. You can say, “I need to go now. Talk to you later.” And quickly move on. Over time it gets easier. Sometimes writing out what you are going to say in advance can give you confidence, including how you will respond to their predictable disparaging comments when you set limits. Or you can have a practice conversation with a counselor or friend before you have a limit-setting conversation in person. 

Conclusion, Millions of people have a narcissist in their family; you’re not alone. These and other tips may help you disengage from the emotional hold they have over you and others. You may be surprised at the energy, free time, and inner peace you gain. It’s not easy, but step by step, it may be possible.

May peace be with us all, always.

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Tough Times?! Mantra & Affirm it!!!

For difficult times these Mantras will help give you the strength so you can be Mentally strong in difficult emotions, staying calm & strong to overcome & survive.

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  • I can get through anything.
  • There are no problems, there are only challenges.
  • I welcome & appreciate the challenges into my life.
  • Challenges are opportunities to learn and grow.
  • I am safe and secure no matter what.
  • I can get through anything, win or lose.
  • I am getting stronger every day.
  • I attract financial abundance into my life now, I am ready & willing to receive all types of assistance.
  • My bills & debts are paid, and I will live freely. I will not live my life based on debt worries.
  • I am a strong and capable person.
  • Hard times will not get the best of me. I will continue to do my best, win or lose.
  • I can overcome obstacles, win or lose.
  • I release all negative emotions from the day.
  • I let go of any stress and anxiety from today.
  • I will learn what I need to from today, which will make me a stronger person.
  • I know that life is not meant to be easy, win or lose.
  • Tomorrow is a brand-new day.
  • I accept my lost each day, losing does not define me.
  • I am a strong person.
  • I can solve problems.
  • I will not let fear control me.
  • I can survive anything life throws at me.
  • I have the strength and courage to get through this.
  • I understand the challenges in my life.
  • I am ready to be the best version of myself.
  • I release all negativity from my life.
  • I am with joy and ease right now.
  • I do not have to solve this today.
  • I am doing what I can with the knowledge and skills I have.
  • I choose to let my mind rest right now.
  • I understand fear as a sign, to be careful.
  • I am doing my best; I release from guilt and shame.
  • I am the kind of person who can survive this storm.
  • Circumstances change, I feel more grateful for what I have.
  • I am not failure, but a survivor. I am in the process of surviving.
  • I commit to showing up tomorrow, I accept the mistakes I have made.
  • I am holding on in the dark, looking for the light and truth.
  • I will face sorts of trauma, & It will not be the last.
  • I am flexible, I can adapt when life does not go according to plans.
  • I have Courage to face the fear of danger, I am facing the danger despite my fear.
  • Problems are not solved by perfection; I am showing up as I am.
  • I will persevere along my path. I will accept when to let go, I will accept when to change course.
  • I will have to go this road alone. I have, or I can find people in my life to support or inspire me.
  • I am love; my life is important & meaningful, despite my losses.
  • My Life is of constant change.
  • My pain is real, but my pain is not forever.
  • This is just a chapter in my life.
  • May Peace Be with You All.
  • May Peace Be With Me All the Days of My Life.

2020 Affirmations (Work Your Energy)

  1. I open my heart to love & creative inspiration, I choose to create happiness in every new day.
  2. I see the value in my everyday life. I am open to abundance.
  3. I open myself to deeper experiences & happiness, I know that i am the loving family that i need.
  4. I am strong, free, and i choose peace and able to choose what honors me.
  5. I open my life to wonderful people in beneficial connections in my personal and professional life.
  6. I release fear, i move forward with trust and courage.
  7. I release pain and past, i live with compassion for myself and love heals & renews me.
  8. I have the power to overcome any obstacle. I am strong, confident, & self-directed.
  9. I open my heart to spiritual truth, deeper connection with the Holy Spirit. I accept Holy guidance and inspiration.
  10. I have dignity and awareness.
  11. I open my heart to caring connection.
  12. I choose to see and appreciate , and value all around me.  I am attracting more to be grateful for.
  13. I am patient and flexible and willing to receive in surprising ways. I am responsible for my life. I take action towards my happiness.
  14. I let go of fear and worry. I will live in peace.
  15. I will make relaxation a daily part of my life.
  16. I let go of lack. I let go of jealousy. I let go of envy.
  17. I am flexible and persistent and prepared in taking steps toward my goals.
  18. All that i need is already apart of me.
  19. I release stuck energy, old habits, and restrictions on my life daily. My life will be open to reality.
  20. I am honest with myself & others, I attract honesty, integrity and support.
  21. I am receiving  peaceful and kind treatment that i deserve in my life. I will make reasonable requests, set boundaries, and make my expectations clear.
  22. It is safe and comfortable for me to move on, i consider my options and take actions on my behalf.
  23. I’m achieving great things within myself.
  24. I have powerful energy and a world full of possibilities.
  25. I will relax and connect with my wisdom and power.
  26. I will attract more love and tenderness to myself.
  27. I am strong and focused, i have the power.
  28. I am strong, safe, and stable and i will secure myself with the Holy Spirit.
  29. I am open to a healthy state of mind and a physical healthy state of being.
  30. My personal vision guides me, my thoughts are peaceful and in a clear state of decisions.
  31. The world supports me in my financial goals.
  32. I am emotionally calm and peaceful and i attract healthy and stable people.
  33. I am comfortable with all my emotions. I will honor and express in healthy ways.
  34. I will learn new things.
  35. I will open up to wisdom in my mind and heart.
  36. I will live a centered life, i will take care of myself.
  37.  The powerful healing of eternal love is with me and will forever be wit me. I am whole.
  38. I have strong intuition with the Father GOD, Son Jesus Christ & Holy Spirit.
  39. My magic happens when i live in consciousness & eternal truth.
  40. May Peace Be with Me all the Days of my life.

 

 

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Making phone calls give you anxiety?!

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Do you suffer from phone anxiety?!

Start by trying to Figure out what’s causing the fear of talking on the phone: Are you concerned about saying something embarrassing? Are you fearing rejection? What are your thoughts that are going through your head before making a phone call. What kinds of things are you telling yourself.

The Most important factor is getting to the root of the exact fear about making phone calls. Always Aiming for positive self-talk is a must, Afterwards try to understand what’s driving your fear, try to change what you’re telling yourself about talking on the phone. Example: Think about times when you have made phone calls & didn’t say anything embarrassing or negative.  Now, self-talk by saying something like, “I have made several successful phone calls without embarrassing myself. I am capable of having a successful phone conversation.”

Chronic fears of making telephone calls may be an indicator of a deeper issues, such as social anxiety. A great tip, Try seeing an experienced anxiety therapist, to identify any issues to develop some skills to overcome it. There are treatments for social anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques, exposure therapy, & social skills training, these type of techniques may be a great help for you to identify anxious thought patterns.

Try to face your fears. Try to develop strategies for managing social situations. Managing your phone calls daily, try to decide when you want to make your calls. Spread out your calls or make them all in one day,  whatever works best for you. Limit yourself to one or two calls per day can help with pressure of making phone calls. Determine the best time of day for your phone calls & only try to make phone calls when you feel at your best, feeling confident makes a difference. Consider the purpose of your call, prepare so that you’re able to accomplish the goal. If you need to make a call to find out information, make a list of questions. If you need to communicate important info to a friend, coworker, family member, write down what you need to communicate.

Try screening calls. Answer calls from people in your contact list, or just allow calls to go to voicemail, then you can think exactly how you want to respond without the pressure.

Remember to always to Take a deep breath & Relax.

Good Luck!

 

 

How to Be Respectful?!

Treat others, as you want them to treat you. To earn respect you must first, give respect and give it to yourself too, as, if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will respect you. The stress of everyday life, we have forgotten morals & obligation of respecting others so that we are also respected in turn. If you can earn the respect of others, then it’s a life well lived.  Respect can never be forced as it comes straight from the heart. A person may respect another because of fear but that is not true respect.True respect only comes when you empathize with the other person, which will make him or her feel respected and so return the favor. Respect is the pillar that supports the bridge called relationship. To say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ doesn’t mean that you are being respectful.

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Be kind. Showing kindness towards others is the best way, A simple act of kindness can show your respect towards others.

Listening & showing interest in whatever is said.

Good manners are the essential quality to showing respect, as people get a sense of respect, when they interact with a well-mannered person. Good behavior automatically earns the respect of others.

Don’t stereotype people, Stereotyping makes, you come across as a narrow-minded person. It also shows your lack of respect for the person, you are stereotyping.

Understand other peoples, like and dislikes.

Don’t dictate or belittle anyone because of his or her background, religion, or social status. It is not only ill mannered, but also signals bad breeding.

You cannot respect anyone whom you mock, or tease etc.

Apologizing for your mistake, can show how much you respect the other person. When you apologize for a mistake or a hurt you caused, conveys your sincere regret.

When you respect someone, you must also respect his choice and free will. So, don’t pressurize anyone to do something which he or she is not willing to do. Giving priority to someone’s right to choose, its respect.

To show respect, value other people’s opinion. This does not mean blindly follow whatever they say. You can show your understanding of his or her opinion, and then present your reasons for agreement or disagreement.