None of us are immune to life’s problems. However, there is hope, even when you can’t see a way out of your struggles. Here are some coping suggestions you may find helpful.
Healing childhood sexual abuse or being sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and unpleasant memories. But no matter how bad you feel, it’s important to remember that you weren’t to blame for what happened and you can regain your sense of safety and trust. Recovering from sexual trauma takes time, and the healing process can be painful. But with the right strategies and support, you can move past the trauma, rebuild your sense of control and self-worth, and even come out the other side feeling stronger and more resilient.
The inner you that went into hiding, as a child, needs to know the “adult” you is safe. To build trust, treat the wounded “you” the way you would have liked to have been treated when you were little.
Validate you by acknowledging that the sexual abuse you were subjected to (or any abuse) wounded you, clear to the depths of your soul. Your response to being wounded was completely normal under abnormal circumstances.
Be angry –
It’s okay to be angry. In fact, it’s better than okay. Be enraged at the injustice. You have to get angry before you can get well. Think of your anger as a healthy response. It is.
Mourn your betrayal, mourn what ‘might have been,’ what your family could have looked like, what a carefree childhood should have felt like. Grieve your loss. People who bury their grief stay stuck in it.
Allow sorrow –
Feel sadness for your inner child’s pain. It was so lonely – this feeling that there was something, somehow, wrong with you.
Face forward –
Acknowledge your history – but do not let it define you. Believe you are strong enough. You are – you survived. You are stronger than you think.
I am who I am today because of my history. I didn’t choose my mom and dad, I was born to them. I would be a different individual — not better, not worse — just different, had I had another set of parents. What I know is that because I experienced what I did, I understand the heart of another in the way only those who share a history of childhood abuse can. In this I am certain: if I can do it, so can you. Take care. You are always loved & supported.
Is selflove & selfcare selfish to others? I’ve spent long years telling myself I cannot afford to slowdown, To have even 10 minutes of me time, I have to hustle and work more. Doing that for too long, you will find yourself incredibly exhausted.
It’s time for things to change. Self-care spending a few minutes each day doing nothing. No thinking, no social media, nothing. Get in touch with your body, your inner self.
It starts from there. Reasons you shouldn’t feel selfish for taking care of yourself.
Authenticity. The moment you decide to give yourself a few minutes of the day, you’re also allowing yourself to be more authentic. If you think you already do, think again.
Try it for a month, don’t wait for the weekends; put in a little extra effort and commit to doing something every day for yourself. It won’t take long before you see some parts of yourself you never thought existed. It allows you to determine which parts are authentically yours and which aren’t—we all have aspects in us that are copied from someone else.
You can only help others if you’re helping yourself first, physically, mentally and spiritually. Desire, passion are not enough. You need a healthy body, open mind to function, which aren’t present if you’re filled with self-doubt. It’s not going to be easy, but worth it. The road to self-care is a tricky one. But it’s necessary. Pretending to be strong 24/7 doesn’t last long. The strength must come from within. It helps you go from existing to living.
Existing is simply being on this tiny blue dot called Earth. Living is experiencing everything this tiny blue dot has to offer. Which are you doing? Are you going to wait for your retirement before you decide you want to enjoy life? for yourself? Although we have responsibilities paying bills, raising children, etc.
We’re also responsible for taking care of ourselves. It will help you find your purpose. You’ve probably asked that question countless times. You might have days, weeks or months where you feel down, unsatisfied, feeling like there should be something more. It’s your body signaling you to take a leap into the unknown, because your purpose is out there, waiting.
How do you know when you find it? You just do. Self-care means trusting yourself. It means being willing to go out in the wild or dig deep. It might be scary, but there’s really no other way to figure out what you’re supposed to do in this world. Practicing self-care and building trust between you and your inner self will help you find purpose in life.
Self-care can be Empowering, as you need it to be.
For years now people say that they are being selfish or narcissistic. The suggestion to take care of yourself first gets a bad rap when we begin to do so in the sense that it says “no” to someone else; or we don’t like what the art of taking care of self looks like from our point of view. We can’t pick and choose how we want people to take care of themselves because it looks insensitive to us because them being in a healthy state of mind might leave us behind, or they need time to themselves for an uncertain amount of time. The person who is taking care of self knows what that looks and feels like to them and because we love them we have to allow them to balance themselves in the best way that they know how.
We have so many people doing the opposite of taking care of themselves to the point of self deprecation and deprivation that it is leaving them in a void. Some of us become co-dependents to the state of martyrdom because it makes us look saintly but underneath we are miserable.
When we deplete ourselves because we have chosen to put others before ourselves over and over again in a way that is unhealthy it places emotional stress and tension on us that can present itself through mental and physical health issues. We have to balance out our energies in a way that replenishes us so that we are able to give to those we love and care for in ways that allow us to give of ourselves in the best light possible.
Do you want a secret path to a successful life?
However, the easiest and most rewarding path to success is looking within. Discovering what you have to offer to the world that nobody else can. Finding your own unique talents and sharing them in a meaningful way, the importance of finding your true talents.
Why you need to find your talents and strengths
Most people never find their natural talents and strengths – either because they do not believe they have any or because they underestimate their importance. If you want to be successful, discovering your uniqueness, it’s a necessity.
Two examples show you why:
Your biggest room for growth lies within your talents
In today’s society is that, the key to success is fixing your weakness. People tend to think that working on what you are not good at is the fastest way to grow and develop. That’s far from the truth. Of course, you can get better at anything. Working on your weakness can help you go from bad to mediocre. But you will never be able to achieve true excellence without an underlying talent.
The first step to embrace your uniqueness is being aware that you are special. You are like nobody else in this world. Nobody else has had the same experiences as you. No one has exactly the same characteristics and shares the same values. Nobody has learned all the various skills you learned. Discovering your talents and strengths means becoming more aware of who you really are. Because only when you know, what makes you so unique, you can fully embrace and make use of it.
what exactly is a talent?
A talent is simply a strong characteristic that you have. It’s something you naturally do, think, or feel and that can be used in a beneficial way. It is nothing you acquired in school, that was taught to you at university. A talent is just a natural pattern of thought, feeling, or behavior.
Psychologists say that 90% of what you think every day is repetitive*. Meaning most of what you think today, you already thought yesterday, and 90% of these thoughts you also thought the day before … Not only are your thoughts the results of underlying patterns but also your behavior and feelings. Finding your talents is simply about discovering these most prominent patterns within you and then using it to your advantage.
Identifying your unique talents, set yourself up for success and capitalize on the way you are, identify your unique characteristics. This is a process that takes quite some time but that is definitely worth doing!
First Find what makes you feel strong. Keep track of how you spend the next few days: What are you doing, feeling or thinking about daily? Write down everything that energizes you and makes you feel strong. It could be a particular physical activity such as meeting up and going dancing with a friend or a mental activity such as finding a solution to a difficult problem. Then when you’ve found a few things you repeatedly do and love, dig deeper and see what part of that particular activity made you feel good.
Example, one of my patterns is that I love learning, sharing my ideas with you. That statement in itself is not quite true: I don’t like learning about everything. Give me books about personal development and I am occupied for hours feeling energized and in flow. Give me almost anything else and I am bored to hell.
I like sharing what I learn but if you make me talk about it in front of a crowd, I will not do it. However, sit down with me alone and I will happily talk with you for hours. These are distinct differences that are vital to know in order to make the most of my talent.
Look out for your own patterns: what are you always doing or thinking about? What can you just not help doing, thinking or feeling? Even if someone asks you not to? Often these are things that others can find quite annoying about you .Discover what you spend your money on. Your core values are closely linked with what you spend your money and time on. Take note of what you spend your money on and look closer at what this can tell you about yourself. Example, I spend my money on books,magazines, self-help conferences. The types of magazines I buy show me what I am passionate about mainly personal development & entrepreneurship. But what’s behind it is my desire to learn and grow. That is a strong natural characteristic of mine, a talent that drives everything I do, how I think and how I spend my time. If you like spending money on going out with friends, is it that you like bringing people together?
Is it that you like getting attention and expressing yourself? Or maybe is it because you value deepening your pre-existing friendships? Why do you do what you do? What is behind it? The key is to keep digging deeper in order to get to the core essence of your talent patterns. Most people, including myself in the past, make the terrible mistake of being too fast and not taking enough time to truly discover themselves.
Identifying what makes you truly unique and what drives you, is not a 1-minute exercise. Its a everyday battle with yourself about who you are and who you want to be.
Asking others?! Find out what others value most about you. What personal characteristics would describe you best? Ask your friends, partner and family members what they love most about your personality. This will not just be valuable for your self-confidence, it will also show you what you are likely to dismiss about yourself. You might be surprised by what you find out. Often, how you see yourself is very different to how others see you.
The problem with talents and strengths is that they are so normal to you that you tend to dismiss them. You are so used to them that you take them for granted and don’t realize that they exist and that they are your biggest asset.
Try Using personality tests, Another good way to discover your unique talents is using a personality test. One that I can recommend is the Clifton Strength Finder which determines your top five dominant patterns. It gives you a detailed explanation of them and actionable advice about how to put them to use. The test has really opened my eyes and helped me understand my talents and myself a little better. You can buy the test as part of the book Now, Discover Your Strengths or get it on its own.
However, don’t just use the test alone and do nothing with it. The result alone will have no impact on you or your strength development unless you use the answers as a starting point to get to know yourself better. The best would be going through the steps in the order described above. Start with self-analysis, then see if others confirm your view about yourself and lastly you can also see what personality tests reveal about you. From my experiences, this process will prove to be the most valuable one for finding your unique talents and strengths. Good Luck !! You are Worth It..
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