Friends & Family Members trying to sabotage your love life?
You might reasonably believe that anyone who cares about you wants to see you happy. But often this is not the case. Your friend or family members can become just as jealous as a scorned lover. S/he might be completely UN-supportive, fault finding, create chaos and soap opera drama, pure lies by saying things that will lead you to breakup or hate your partner. Suddenly, you may feel you have to choose between your friends or your love relationships. If your friend is used to socializing with you on a regular basis, then your involvement with your significant other can cause envy, pure jealous feelings. What ends up happening is that sometimes your friends or family members (consciously or unconsciously) attempts to Sabotage your love relationship.
Deception, Demeaning lies, stories, or comments can be made about your Partner, it can even be about your partner’s physical appearance, style, beliefs, personal life, dress, profession, manners, or hygiene. Sometimes friends will tell you that your love partner doesn’t look like your type, maybe not good/bad for you. Messages like these can become confused, and people who are indecisive may be more disturbed and unsettled by them. Many find it draining to be forced to choose who to trust or who to spend time with. Some family members or friends, who complicate this process with guilt, inducing maneuvers, gossip, demands and statements such as:
“How can you let yourself be open to this person?” “What kind of friend are you? As soon as a new man/woman comes around, you’re going to dump me? you’re different or He/shes different. ‘ “You don’t care about me anymore.” “Do you know who this person really is? I know this person isn’t good for you?! The list goes on. It is cumbersome to determine what’s good and honest feedback, which you shouldn’t discount, and when you should just trust your own intuition. Some of your friends and relatives may be quite perceptive and intuitive. You may even use them as sounding boards because you realize they are better at reading warning signs they see than you are. Lots of people become weary of escalating a relationship if their friends & family do not like their new partner.
This is often a Deal Breaker. Unfortunately, friends & family members may not be objective if they are too dependent on you for social, emotional, or mental support Or just absolute envious of you in all. You need to realize how you feel when you are with your partner. It is hard enough for things to work between two people, let alone three or others involved.
In fact, it’s rare that if you and your mate socialize with another couple, that the four of you will get along. Jealousy, resentment, and disappointment will crop up and complicate each new encounter, so relax and don’t expect everyone to agree with the partner you chose to spend time with. What can you do to deal with this dilemma? Ideally, we all should be able to read for ourselves, We should know whether it’s a good relationship. In all healthy relationships, you should be able to have a variety of support from others. Long story short: If you feel good with your partner, continue to see him/her and learn to set boundaries with friends & family members who may get envious.
#1 Your friends think your date’s not good enough, #2 Friends who constantly want your attention. #3 Talking about past relationships. #4 Friends who want you to cheat. #5 Friends who make you ignore your lover. #6 Friends who flirt with your lover. #7 They disrespect your partner. #8 Your friends speak ill of you. #9 They always show the worst side. #10 Your friends know your amorous secrets. #11 Friends who flirt with you. #12 Friends of the opposite sex. #13 Friends who know too much.
At times, your friends & family could absentmindedly ruin your relationship. But almost always, friends & family ruin relationships just for fun. So unless you want to lose your lover and hate your friends & family members , keep these Relationship Ruining Signs in mind!
Philosophy is derived from two Greek words. Philo means lOVE, sophy means WISDOM. Philosophy means “love of wisdom”. Conscious of a set of beliefs, or personal philosophy informs how we live, work, & interact with others. What we believe is directly reflected into teaching and learning processes. It is important to understand how philosophy and education are interrelated. In order to become the most effective teacher you can be, you must understand your own beliefs, while at the same time empathizing with others. Developing our own educational philosophy is a key part of our journey to teach.
Major branches of philosophy are Metaphysics, epistemology, Axiology and logic. Metaphysics considers questions about the physical universe, & the nature of reality. Epistemology examines how people come to learn what they know. Axiology is the study of fundamental principles or values. Logic pursues the organization of the reasoning process. Logic can be divided into two components; deductive reasoning which takes general principles and relates them to a specific case; & inductive reasoning, which builds up an argument based on specific examples.
Idealism can be divided into three categories, classical, religious, & modern. Classical idealism the philosophy of the Greeks Socrates & Plato, searches for an absolute truth. Religious Idealism tries to reconcile God & Humanity.Modern Idealism stemming from the Ideas of Descartes, links pereption & existence.
Realism, school of thought founded by Aristotle, believes the world of matter is separate from human perceptions. Modern Realist thought has led to the blank slate, notion of human capabilities.
Pragmatism believes that we should select ideas, actions, & consequences with the most desirable outcome, as well as learning from the previous experiences to achieve desirable consequence.
Major philosophy of education can be broken down into three main: teacher-centered philosophies, Student-centered philosophies & society-centered philosophies. These include Essential-ism, Perennial-ism, Progressivism, social Reconstruction-ism, Existentialism, Behaviorism, Constructivism, Conservatism, & Humanism. Other Ideologies of educational philosophy include nationalism, American exceptionalism, ethno-nationalism, liberalism, conservatism, & Marxism.
It is important to identify your own philosophy of education in order to understand your own system of values & beliefs so that you are easily able to describe your teaching.
Understanding codependency, Your Self Awareness, Learning to Parent Yourself, Learning to Validate your emotions, trauma, whether you’re highly sensitive or overly emotional.
UNTANGLING YOURSELF-from Others, Owning the emotion & Getting to know yourself by Loving yourself with compassion. Codependents get themselves entangled in other people’s problems trying to fix, control, rescue, give advice, or force solutions on people who often don’t want or may need change. These behaviors, although meaning well, are frustrating for everyone involved. We get frustrated because we usually can’t affect change. Focusing on other people’s problems distracts us from owning our part in the problems & changing ourselves. These controlling & rescuing behaviors strain relationships. Loved ones resent our demanding & ultimatums. Our emotions may also be dependent on other people’s feelings. It might be that when your Other is in a good mood, you’re in a good mood and when they’re in a bad mood, you are in a bad mood. You may have difficulty recognizing your own feelings; you’ve become detached from yourself because you’re constantly concerned about how other people feel. We can untangle ourselves from others by learning to detach with love and stop enabling. Detaching is similar to setting healthy boundaries. Detaching puts healthy emotional, physical space between you & Others, so you & the Other have freedom to make your own choices, & have your own feelings. Detaching can include leaving uncomfortable, unsafe situations, saying “no”, or refraining yourself from giving advice.
Reflection: Do you enable, tangle yourself up in other people’s lives or problems? What boundaries will help you detach, prioritize your needs? How do you feel? .
OWNING YOUR PART- Denial is a self-protective measure that we use to deal with our overwhelming pain. Denial tries to shield us from our anger, despair, shame, it becomes a barrier to changing codependent patterns. We struggle to own our part in dysfunctional relationships, we tend to blame others. When we blame others, we act like victims, putting our happiness on whether other people will change. Gaining awareness means accepting responsibility, but not assuming responsibility for what other adults do. You aren’t responsible for others decisions. You are responsible for your happiness, health, which means you have choices and can take charge.
Reflection: If you’re having trouble seeing a situation objectively, do you have a trusted friend who can help see things from a different perspective? Do you blame others for your unhappiness? Can you empower yourself , solving your problems?
KNOWING YOURSELF– codependent families prevents us from developing a understanding of ourselves. Fear is used to force us to conform to family norms & we weren’t allowed or encouraged to explore our own interests, beliefs during childhood. We learn to suppress who we are to please others. In adulthood, we stay or focus on other people, that we really don’t know who we are, what we like, or what we want. We become defined by our roles, instead of the complex individuals that we are. Codependency recovering has to include getting to know ourselves.Getting to know ourselves isn’t selfish, its healthy & respect for ourselves. It means that we care about ourselves, we are curious about who we are.
Reflection: What do you like to do? How do you like to be treated? What are your goals? What do you believe?
LOVE YOURSELF– We do this through COMPASSION, accepting imperfections & mistakes, self care & Self-love, being kind to yourself, instead of being critical about your flaws. Self-love is your basic physical need, getting sleep, eating healthy food, exercise, taking medications your doctor has prescribed, setting boundaries, your opinions, asking for what you need, making time for fun, social connection. If you’re not used to taking care of yourself, it will feel uncomfortable for a while, but with each step of compassion, self-care, you are taking solid steps to love yourself.
Reflection: What is one thing you can do for your emotional health everyday? What is one thing you can do for your physical health everyday? What are you saying to yourself when you make mistakes? What can you tell yourself that would be understanding, supportive & compassionate?