How to Cope with a whole Narcissistic Family, Possible Solutions
Narcissists are particularly difficult for family members who can’t avoid them. Many people have some traits, but not the full disorder, people with a severe pattern of constant criticisms, arrogant statements, preoccupation with themselves, disparaging remarks, and demands for admiration.
You know that this not only gets very tiresome, it can also wear down your own self-esteem, be exhausting, and absorb a huge amount of your time without providing any benefit in return.
This message offers some enlightenment for coping. Do not call them a narcissist. This is always tempting, but it typically backfires and makes things worse. Usually calling someone a narcissist is intended to make them stop and think about the damage they are doing.
People with narcissistic personality disorder can’t reflect on their own behavior and instead become obsessed with proving that you are the one with a problem. They are better at doing that than you can ever be. It’s true that they do not self-reflect and gain insights from people’s feedback, no matter how constructive or intense it may be. Just forget about it! You’re not going to give them insight into themselves. And you may make your relationship worse.
Examples in Some cases in an adult child angrily confronted the parent, telling them they had narcissistic personality. Afterwards, the parent kept dropping by the house uninvited to say, “What you said about me just isn’t true, demanding apologies or I’ll keep coming back until you do. After all I have done for you, I can’t believe how ungrateful you are!” Do not argue with them.
It doesn’t help to argue with them. They’re not going to have insights from your feedback. And you don’t need to defend yourself, because it isn’t about you. It’s really about them and their personality and lack of interpersonal skills. They tend to see things in all-or-nothing terms so that the fault is all yours and all the victimhood as theirs. You can’t change that. They constantly see themselves as victims-in-life, treated so unfairly by those around them, without any recognition of their own part in the problem—which may actually be the primary part of the problem. Arguing just puts them in the emotional parts of their brains where they shift into high gear of defensiveness.
For example, some relationships get hooked into arguments over who is the more intelligent person in the relationship. Narcissists continually put out subtle and blatant messages that their family members are less intelligent than themselves — observations, criticisms that just don’t stop. They must feel superior to feel okay. And even then, it’s a shaky feeling of superiority which they have to constantly shore up by putting others down. In high-conflicts, narcissists fill with their stories of how incompetent financially, morally, and otherwise. Courtship stories of how wonderful they are and how special they will treat you become opposite: They put you down to protect their superior self-image. They’re just telling the “truth,” they insist. Don’t be surprised by this.
Do focus on choices, yours and theirs. People with narcissistic personalities are frequent complainers about their everyday lives. They insist that people treat them unfairly and without the great respect. They also do not see how their own behavior influences how others avoid them or criticize them in return. If your family member is talking to you in this manner, simply let them know that they have some choices in the situation.
Example, “That’s too bad. Sounds like you might want to put your energy somewhere else, or realize that so-and-so isn’t going to give you what you want. You always have a choice of what to do or who to be around. Good luck with that.” At the same time, it helps to know that you have choices, too. Being around a narcissist can be emotionally draining and trigger unnecessary self-criticism. You can choose to avoid them, limit your time together, or have someone else with you when you are around the person. Just thinking that you have choices often helps it feel less stressful. Also, know that you can choose to set limits. Do set limits on what you will do for them.
You cannot control a narcissist’s behavior; you can control your own. Instead of trying to get them to change, look at how you can change. One of the first places to look is at ways you may tolerate or support their narcissism. In many families, a narcissistic sibling or child slowly takes over by demanding the most attention and loyalty, insulting everyone (even parents), violating the family’s rules, and manipulating its decision-making. You do not have to cooperate.
You can withdraw your participation in their actions against others, or even behavior toward yourself: “If you’re going to speak to me that way, I’m going to have to end this conversation.” “I’m sorry, but I can’t go with you when you confront other family members, etc. I don’t agree that they have done anything wrong.”
I have seen adult narcissists in court bring parents and siblings to support them in their legal conflicts such as lawsuits against neighbors, exes, former colleagues or employers, etc. The parents and siblings often appear worn out after a lifetime reluctantly coping with and trying to support their narcissistic family member; trying to placate them so they will calm down or not be angry with them.
The trouble is that this has no positive outcome. It’s better to set limits sooner rather than later. Get support and consultation. People feel alone when dealing with a narcissistic family member.
Your own self-esteem may be worn down after all the insults, criticisms, and public humiliation. Yet with support from friends and/or professionals—such as counselors, lawyers, and others—you can get perspective and learn that you don’t have to be embarrassed. There are millions of narcissists and they are good at making their family members feel like they have a unique problem so that they are too ashamed to deal with it by speaking to others outside the family.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your family member may be suffering from a disorder they don’t understand and didn’t ask to have. Tolerating their dysfunction does no one any good.
I have seen many adult children, parents, siblings, and partners gain strength by discussing their situation with a therapist or with friends and deciding on a step-by-step course of action to stop enabling the narcissistic family member. In some cases, they end up cutting ties, but in many others, they learn to get some distance emotionally so that they no longer feel obligated to engage with their narcissism while still staying connected as a family.
As they say , “Let go with love.” This doesn’t have to mean having no contact. It can mean letting go of certain interactions, discussing certain topics, or having certain conversations at all. You can say, “I need to go now. Talk to you later.” And quickly move on. Over time it gets easier. Sometimes writing out what you are going to say in advance can give you confidence, including how you will respond to their predictable disparaging comments when you set limits. Or you can have a practice conversation with a counselor or friend before you have a limit-setting conversation in person.
Conclusion, Millions of people have a narcissist in their family; you’re not alone. These and other tips may help you disengage from the emotional hold they have over you and others. You may be surprised at the energy, free time, and inner peace you gain. It’s not easy, but step by step, it may be possible.
May peace be with us all, always.
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Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
From :1Corinthians 13:1-8, 13
Dear GOD, Thank you that you are a loving, gracious GOD. Thank you that you’ve offered us forgiveness and the gift of new life in you. Thank you that your love is perfect, it never fails, and that nothing can separate us from your love. We pray that our lives would be filled and overflowing with the power of your love so we can make a difference in this world and bring honor to you. We ask for your help in reminding us that the most important things are not what we do outwardly, it’s not based on any talent or gift, but the most significant thing we can do in this life is simply to love you and to choose to love others. Lord thank you that your love is patient. Help us show patience with those around us.
LORD thank you that your love is kind. Help us to extend kindness to others. LORD thank you that true love is not jealous. Help us cast aside feelings of jealousy or hatred towards others. LORD thank you that your love does not brag and is not arrogant. Help us not to live with pride or arrogance, but to choose to walk with humility and grace. LORD thank you that true love does not act unbecomingly. LORD help us to extend kindness instead of rudeness towards others. Help us to lay aside the critical tone and tearing down with our words, so that we can truly walk in peace.
LORD thank you that true love does not seek its own. LORD help us not to live selfishly, looking only to our own interests. LORD thank you that true love is not provoked. LORD help us not to become easily angered. Help us not to be so quickly reactive, but instead slow to speak and slow to become angry. LORD thank you that your love does not take into account a wrong suffered. Lord help us not to hold grudges, but to choose to forgive, even when it’s difficult.
LORD thank you that your love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. LORD help us to love your words of truth, may we walk in your freedom and wisdom. Let it be what drives our lives and choices every day. LORD thank you that your love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, thank you that your love never fails. Help us to love as you love. Fill us with your Spirit so that we can choose what is best. We are weak LORD, but we know also, that even when we are weak, you are strong within us. Thank you that it’s not all up to us. Thank you that you equip us to face each day with the power of your love, your forgiveness, and your grace.
We love you LORD, and we need you today, and every day,
In JESUS’ Name, Amen.
Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever
IN JESUS CHRIST NAME Amen.
For difficult times these Mantras will help give you the strength so you can be Mentally strong in difficult emotions, staying calm & strong to overcome & survive.
- I can get through anything.
- There are no problems, there are only challenges.
- I welcome & appreciate the challenges into my life.
- Challenges are opportunities to learn and grow.
- I am safe and secure no matter what.
- I can get through anything, win or lose.
- I am getting stronger every day.
- I attract financial abundance into my life now, I am ready & willing to receive all types of assistance.
- My bills & debts are paid, and I will live freely. I will not live my life based on debt worries.
- I am a strong and capable person.
- Hard times will not get the best of me. I will continue to do my best, win or lose.
- I can overcome obstacles, win or lose.
- I release all negative emotions from the day.
- I let go of any stress and anxiety from today.
- I will learn what I need to from today, which will make me a stronger person.
- I know that life is not meant to be easy, win or lose.
- Tomorrow is a brand-new day.
- I accept my lost each day, losing does not define me.
- I am a strong person.
- I can solve problems.
- I will not let fear control me.
- I can survive anything life throws at me.
- I have the strength and courage to get through this.
- I understand the challenges in my life.
- I am ready to be the best version of myself.
- I release all negativity from my life.
- I am with joy and ease right now.
- I do not have to solve this today.
- I am doing what I can with the knowledge and skills I have.
- I choose to let my mind rest right now.
- I understand fear as a sign, to be careful.
- I am doing my best; I release from guilt and shame.
- I am the kind of person who can survive this storm.
- Circumstances change, I feel more grateful for what I have.
- I am not failure, but a survivor. I am in the process of surviving.
- I commit to showing up tomorrow, I accept the mistakes I have made.
- I am holding on in the dark, looking for the light and truth.
- I will face sorts of trauma, & It will not be the last.
- I am flexible, I can adapt when life does not go according to plans.
- I have Courage to face the fear of danger, I am facing the danger despite my fear.
- Problems are not solved by perfection; I am showing up as I am.
- I will persevere along my path. I will accept when to let go, I will accept when to change course.
- I will have to go this road alone. I have, or I can find people in my life to support or inspire me.
- I am love; my life is important & meaningful, despite my losses.
- My Life is of constant change.
- My pain is real, but my pain is not forever.
- This is just a chapter in my life.
- May Peace Be with You All.
- May Peace Be With Me All the Days of My Life.
Personal Finance Tips for now?! Protecting your finances or Making Money while going through a pandemic. Tips that may help? Financial Tips & Questions for Now!
- Deposit as much as you can in your savings account, never use that money, you’ll come out ahead, you’ll have extra money to pay the rent, mortgage, car payment, other expenses.
- What skills can you use to earn extra money?
- Yard work. Pet sitting. Selling a product. Online tutoring. Choose a side hustle. Having a second job, a second source of income, even if it’s only a couple of hundred dollars a month, having an additional income source, if you lose your full-time job unexpectedly, you still have money coming in to help pay the bills.
Explore Jobs In Essential Businesses.
Pay off credit card debt.
- Credit card balances you carry because of the interest, isn’t all that much every month? Pay it off as quickly as you can. The last thing you need in an economic downside, are monthly credit card payments devouring your money.
Cancel unnecessary subscriptions. Pay off small debts, too.
Got a $200 medical bill here, a $60 credit card balance there?
- Just pay it off now while you have the money. If you lose your income or your job due to Pandemic, you don’t have to worry about past-due payments or inability to pay, & factors that damage your credit score.
Get a jump ahead on monthly payments.
- If you have extra money, pay ahead now on the mortgage, car payment, other monthly payments just in case anything affects your income later. Paying ahead is a good practice, there are plenty of life and work events besides the corona-virus that can affect your income at any time in life.
Lower all your monthly expense, you’ll want your monthly expenses to be low, so your money goes further.
- Switch to a cheaper cell phone plan. Ask your insurance agent if you can lower auto, homeowner’s insurance premiums. Pause streaming services or cut cable services. All those costs add up, and you don’t need more monthly payments.
Live more frugally as soon as possible.
- We all love dining out, enjoy massages, pedicures or getting beauty routines done. But keep in mind that these expenses won’t pay the rent during an economic downside.
- When signs point to a troubled economy, You don’t have to deprive yourself of everything, but cook more meals at home, space out time between any expense routines, appointments or find other ways to cut daily expenses.
Re-examine your bills over the last six months. Create plans for moving forward.
- Sell your old stuff on Craigslist, LetGo, Online, etc. Cleaning out your closets to make extra cash.
- Market any of your skills. “See if there is a market for any of your skills on, Or find a new passion, search local, or remote gig jobs earning extra cash. Teaching English or languages online, or homeschooling communities.
Look into Any freelance projects, Rental assistance programs, Unemployment programs, Assistance from electric gas companies, Assistance from phone and cable companies.
May all Abundance & Opportunities fall into your Path. May peace be with you.
Holy Week at Home Celebration Reading Scriptures Old & New Testaments. Read Matthew 2:1-11 with the family. Plant seeds, place in sunny window, Seeds offer a clear message to the Power of New Life.
Passover at Home, Celebrate the feast commemorating the departure of Israelite from slavery Exodus 12. Jesus had come to Jerusalem to celebrate and was actually crucified on Passover Day. He is the fulfillment of this tradition, as our own Passover Lamb. For more info, research Passover for Christians.
Foot Washing at Home Maundy Thursday this Event speaks volumes about Jesus’s desire for us to serve. Wrap a towel around your waist, as Jesus did, wash your children’s feet or loved one. Your lives might not be the same. Read John 13.
Good Friday, Observe Jesus Crucifixion by reading Biblical scripture, Or singing Biblical Hymns of the crucifixion and the cross.
Saturday of Holy Week, watch A portrayal of Jesus’s last hours. Jesus films, Gospel of Luke, The Passion of Christ, etc.
Easter Sunday,Easter greeting Hallelujah the Lord is Risen! and answer “He is Risen Indeed!’. Listen to special Music. Discussions on how you may have felt on Jesus films about the crucifixion, resurrection. Jesus said those who believe without having seen are Blessed. John 20v29. Also for Easter Sunday New clothes or wearing white garments to symbolize a new life. Or if your family has special Easter Outfits.These are all ways of Easter Celebration sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ.
Traditionally eggs are also a symbol of Easter Joy, because they were forbidden items during Lent. Sharing your Easter can bear all manner of joyful messages to family, friends, non-believing relatives or friends, maybe they will join in.
Whatever traditions you keep, remember that for Believers Easter is a celebration that really never ends. There is No Perfect Way to Discern, No Perfect way to Serve. This is an important truth to remember in a time where we aren’t able to go or do things we would like and aren’t able to normally serve. Your gift of service is no less valuable because there is no one perfect way to serve the Kingdom of God and to serve others. There is no perfect thing to give up, wherever you are at, it is fine. Dont feel like you need to be somewhere you are not.
Day by Day walk with Jesus through Holy Week, an encouragement to take your time, maybe read, listen, research Bible passages of Jesus Final days. May Peace Be with You All!
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