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How to Cope with a whole Narcissistic Family, Possible Solutions
Narcissists are particularly difficult for family members who can’t avoid them. Many people have some traits, but not the full disorder, people with a severe pattern of constant criticisms, arrogant statements, preoccupation with themselves, disparaging remarks, and demands for admiration.
You know that this not only gets very tiresome, it can also wear down your own self-esteem, be exhausting, and absorb a huge amount of your time without providing any benefit in return.
This message offers some enlightenment for coping. Do not call them a narcissist. This is always tempting, but it typically backfires and makes things worse. Usually calling someone a narcissist is intended to make them stop and think about the damage they are doing.
People with narcissistic personality disorder can’t reflect on their own behavior and instead become obsessed with proving that you are the one with a problem. They are better at doing that than you can ever be. It’s true that they do not self-reflect and gain insights from people’s feedback, no matter how constructive or intense it may be. Just forget about it! You’re not going to give them insight into themselves. And you may make your relationship worse.
Examples in Some cases in an adult child angrily confronted the parent, telling them they had narcissistic personality. Afterwards, the parent kept dropping by the house uninvited to say, “What you said about me just isn’t true, demanding apologies or I’ll keep coming back until you do. After all I have done for you, I can’t believe how ungrateful you are!” Do not argue with them.
It doesn’t help to argue with them. They’re not going to have insights from your feedback. And you don’t need to defend yourself, because it isn’t about you. It’s really about them and their personality and lack of interpersonal skills. They tend to see things in all-or-nothing terms so that the fault is all yours and all the victimhood as theirs. You can’t change that. They constantly see themselves as victims-in-life, treated so unfairly by those around them, without any recognition of their own part in the problem—which may actually be the primary part of the problem. Arguing just puts them in the emotional parts of their brains where they shift into high gear of defensiveness.
For example, some relationships get hooked into arguments over who is the more intelligent person in the relationship. Narcissists continually put out subtle and blatant messages that their family members are less intelligent than themselves — observations, criticisms that just don’t stop. They must feel superior to feel okay. And even then, it’s a shaky feeling of superiority which they have to constantly shore up by putting others down. In high-conflicts, narcissists fill with their stories of how incompetent financially, morally, and otherwise. Courtship stories of how wonderful they are and how special they will treat you become opposite: They put you down to protect their superior self-image. They’re just telling the “truth,” they insist. Don’t be surprised by this.
Do focus on choices, yours and theirs. People with narcissistic personalities are frequent complainers about their everyday lives. They insist that people treat them unfairly and without the great respect. They also do not see how their own behavior influences how others avoid them or criticize them in return. If your family member is talking to you in this manner, simply let them know that they have some choices in the situation.
Example, “That’s too bad. Sounds like you might want to put your energy somewhere else, or realize that so-and-so isn’t going to give you what you want. You always have a choice of what to do or who to be around. Good luck with that.” At the same time, it helps to know that you have choices, too. Being around a narcissist can be emotionally draining and trigger unnecessary self-criticism. You can choose to avoid them, limit your time together, or have someone else with you when you are around the person. Just thinking that you have choices often helps it feel less stressful. Also, know that you can choose to set limits. Do set limits on what you will do for them.
You cannot control a narcissist’s behavior; you can control your own. Instead of trying to get them to change, look at how you can change. One of the first places to look is at ways you may tolerate or support their narcissism. In many families, a narcissistic sibling or child slowly takes over by demanding the most attention and loyalty, insulting everyone (even parents), violating the family’s rules, and manipulating its decision-making. You do not have to cooperate.
You can withdraw your participation in their actions against others, or even behavior toward yourself: “If you’re going to speak to me that way, I’m going to have to end this conversation.” “I’m sorry, but I can’t go with you when you confront other family members, etc. I don’t agree that they have done anything wrong.”
I have seen adult narcissists in court bring parents and siblings to support them in their legal conflicts such as lawsuits against neighbors, exes, former colleagues or employers, etc. The parents and siblings often appear worn out after a lifetime reluctantly coping with and trying to support their narcissistic family member; trying to placate them so they will calm down or not be angry with them.
The trouble is that this has no positive outcome. It’s better to set limits sooner rather than later. Get support and consultation. People feel alone when dealing with a narcissistic family member.
Your own self-esteem may be worn down after all the insults, criticisms, and public humiliation. Yet with support from friends and/or professionals—such as counselors, lawyers, and others—you can get perspective and learn that you don’t have to be embarrassed. There are millions of narcissists and they are good at making their family members feel like they have a unique problem so that they are too ashamed to deal with it by speaking to others outside the family.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Your family member may be suffering from a disorder they don’t understand and didn’t ask to have. Tolerating their dysfunction does no one any good.
I have seen many adult children, parents, siblings, and partners gain strength by discussing their situation with a therapist or with friends and deciding on a step-by-step course of action to stop enabling the narcissistic family member. In some cases, they end up cutting ties, but in many others, they learn to get some distance emotionally so that they no longer feel obligated to engage with their narcissism while still staying connected as a family.
As they say , “Let go with love.” This doesn’t have to mean having no contact. It can mean letting go of certain interactions, discussing certain topics, or having certain conversations at all. You can say, “I need to go now. Talk to you later.” And quickly move on. Over time it gets easier. Sometimes writing out what you are going to say in advance can give you confidence, including how you will respond to their predictable disparaging comments when you set limits. Or you can have a practice conversation with a counselor or friend before you have a limit-setting conversation in person.
Conclusion, Millions of people have a narcissist in their family; you’re not alone. These and other tips may help you disengage from the emotional hold they have over you and others. You may be surprised at the energy, free time, and inner peace you gain. It’s not easy, but step by step, it may be possible.
May peace be with us all, always.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
From :1Corinthians 13:1-8, 13
Dear GOD, Thank you that you are a loving, gracious GOD. Thank you that you’ve offered us forgiveness and the gift of new life in you. Thank you that your love is perfect, it never fails, and that nothing can separate us from your love. We pray that our lives would be filled and overflowing with the power of your love so we can make a difference in this world and bring honor to you. We ask for your help in reminding us that the most important things are not what we do outwardly, it’s not based on any talent or gift, but the most significant thing we can do in this life is simply to love you and to choose to love others. Lord thank you that your love is patient. Help us show patience with those around us.
LORD thank you that your love is kind. Help us to extend kindness to others. LORD thank you that true love is not jealous. Help us cast aside feelings of jealousy or hatred towards others. LORD thank you that your love does not brag and is not arrogant. Help us not to live with pride or arrogance, but to choose to walk with humility and grace. LORD thank you that true love does not act unbecomingly. LORD help us to extend kindness instead of rudeness towards others. Help us to lay aside the critical tone and tearing down with our words, so that we can truly walk in peace.
LORD thank you that true love does not seek its own. LORD help us not to live selfishly, looking only to our own interests. LORD thank you that true love is not provoked. LORD help us not to become easily angered. Help us not to be so quickly reactive, but instead slow to speak and slow to become angry. LORD thank you that your love does not take into account a wrong suffered. Lord help us not to hold grudges, but to choose to forgive, even when it’s difficult.
LORD thank you that your love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. LORD help us to love your words of truth, may we walk in your freedom and wisdom. Let it be what drives our lives and choices every day. LORD thank you that your love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, thank you that your love never fails. Help us to love as you love. Fill us with your Spirit so that we can choose what is best. We are weak LORD, but we know also, that even when we are weak, you are strong within us. Thank you that it’s not all up to us. Thank you that you equip us to face each day with the power of your love, your forgiveness, and your grace.
We love you LORD, and we need you today, and every day,
In JESUS’ Name, Amen.
Our Father who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever
IN JESUS CHRIST NAME Amen.
For difficult times these Mantras will help give you the strength so you can be Mentally strong in difficult emotions, staying calm & strong to overcome & survive.
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Do you suffer from phone anxiety?!
Start by trying to Figure out what’s causing the fear of talking on the phone: Are you concerned about saying something embarrassing? Are you fearing rejection? What are your thoughts that are going through your head before making a phone call. What kinds of things are you telling yourself.
The Most important factor is getting to the root of the exact fear about making phone calls. Always Aiming for positive self-talk is a must, Afterwards try to understand what’s driving your fear, try to change what you’re telling yourself about talking on the phone. Example: Think about times when you have made phone calls & didn’t say anything embarrassing or negative. Now, self-talk by saying something like, “I have made several successful phone calls without embarrassing myself. I am capable of having a successful phone conversation.”
Chronic fears of making telephone calls may be an indicator of a deeper issues, such as social anxiety. A great tip, Try seeing an experienced anxiety therapist, to identify any issues to develop some skills to overcome it. There are treatments for social anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques, exposure therapy, & social skills training, these type of techniques may be a great help for you to identify anxious thought patterns.
Try to face your fears. Try to develop strategies for managing social situations. Managing your phone calls daily, try to decide when you want to make your calls. Spread out your calls or make them all in one day, whatever works best for you. Limit yourself to one or two calls per day can help with pressure of making phone calls. Determine the best time of day for your phone calls & only try to make phone calls when you feel at your best, feeling confident makes a difference. Consider the purpose of your call, prepare so that you’re able to accomplish the goal. If you need to make a call to find out information, make a list of questions. If you need to communicate important info to a friend, coworker, family member, write down what you need to communicate.
Try screening calls. Answer calls from people in your contact list, or just allow calls to go to voicemail, then you can think exactly how you want to respond without the pressure.
Remember to always to Take a deep breath & Relax.
Salmon good for protein, vitamin D, potassium, omega 3s, and B vitamins, tryptophan, an amino acid linked to converting serotonin in the brain.
Lentils good for B vitamins, which are linked to reducing irritability and depression since they also contribute to the production of serotonin.
Bananas affect tryptophan.
Yogurt is high in probiotic bacteria, means it helps break down nutrients for absorption into the body. Including yogurt in your diet can help with your body’s intake of nutrients from other foods.
Liver is best known for its high content of vitamin B12, protein, iron (which is thought to play a role in the production of serotonin and dopamine), potassium, and many other vitamins and nutrients.
Berries are Rich in vitamin C, berries of all sorts also offer antioxidants, fiber, potassium and digestive enzymes.
Spinach, Kale, Collard Greens, and other dark green vegetables, Spinach in particular also has iron, calcium, potassium, and omega 3s among others.
Sweet Potatoes are good food for mood-boosting is the antioxidant beta-carotene which protects the body’s cells and has also been linked to improving brain function.
Eggs good for vitamin D, omega 3s, and that mood-linked B12 vitamin.
Brazil Nuts good for vitamin E, magnesium, selenium, and provides tryptophan.
TIPS TO DO
Relaxing Shower, Hot water. Contact a loved one , phone call, online conversation or even email to someone you love. Deep breathing exercise, breath for in 5 seconds, exhale for another 5 seconds, repeat as needed. Listen to Brainwave audios, traditional meditations for stress relief , special frequencies. Dance for few, minutes of dancing can make you feel happy, partly due to the release of endorphins, also to flood positive energy neurotransmitters in your body listening to your favorite tunes. Look for inspiring photographs, movies, artwork, books, quotes etc. Recite to yourself or out loud “mood boosting affirmations” or even writing them down into a journal etc. Getting rid of clutter, cleaning up your living & work space, Lighting incense or scented candles. Last, but not least, try Hugs & kisses, whether a friend, partner, family member, pet, Your body will respond by releasing “love” hormones like oxytocin. You’ll feel calm, safe, content, & happier.