Why are people mean to nice people? Short answer, They’re hurt! Long answer, They’re really hurt! Some point, somebody, their parents, their lovers, a close one, did them dirty & hurt them, they were crushed & they’re still afraid the pain will never stop, or that it will happen again. Some people you can be nice and sincere too, some people who may perceive you as a possible threat, you will have to deal with them accordingly. Basically, you will have to keep them within arm’s length but not within your personal space. People who are bad and mean to the nice ones, are those who are generally weak and try to prove they’re not by displaying a hostile attitude. Sometimes they do it because they’re resentful for being treated that way at some point of their lives. The fact is that we’ve all been hurt, and we’re all wounded, but not all of us are mean. We have both the capacity and the obligation to do better. How people treat other people is a reflection of how they may truly feel about themselves.
By nature, I am a happy, optimistic, idealistic person. I have always been one to look on the bright side and see the good in people. My thoughts about life is that the world is full of brightness, love, and possibilities to seize. Recently, though, my thoughts began to fade in the face of a mild depression. I began to cry a lot and retreat into myself rather than being social and opening up, which only furthered the problem. I felt alone, miserable, and, try as I might, I could not regain that feeling of the world being beautiful.
I felt like something had crawled into my mind and turned all the positive switches off and the negative ones on. I felt hopeless, like it was more of a disease than a feeling.
Before the depression, I was a kind, gentle, and compassionate person. Sometimes I was even too gentle, afraid to bring up anything that might offend someone else or damage our relationship.
I didn’t understand how other people could be mean, rude, or offensive toward strangers or friends. I took it personally when people were rude with me, believing they were truly out to get me for something I’d done. When someone is rude for no reason, especially a stranger, it’s rarely a personal assault, even if you accidentally did something to irritate them. People aren’t mean for the sport of it, or because they are against you; people are mean to cope. I felt unlovable, undesirable, antisocial, and I needed a way to cope with these feelings by giving myself an alter ego that deserved to be disliked for reasons I could understand. When you find that people are being rude to you in your everyday life, they are really being mean to themselves. They have likely convinced themselves that they are unworthy of love, and that is the biggest tragedy of all. You can simply recognize that the person being rude is struggling with their own problems, and needs a way to cope with them. You cannot control the actions and behaviors of others, only your personal reactions to them. If you yourself are the one who has been unkind, it is time for self-reflection.
Why do you attack people?
What are you trying to protect yourself from?
Should I change my outlook, so I pushed myself to see the good in myself and the reasons why I’m likable; as a result, I began to see the good in others again too. It’s not an easy process, and for many, it requires therapy and months of time. However, you can begin your journey back to kindness by being kinder to yourself. Listen closely to your destructive, self-critical thoughts.
Are they based in reality, or are you fabricating them?
If you criticize yourself because you feel guilty about things you did in the past, work on nurturing self-forgiveness, just as you’d forgive a loved one for those same mistakes.
If you criticize yourself because you were raised to believe you were a bad person, recognize this isn’t true, and know that you can choose to heal and challenge this belief as an adult. Try to look at yourself from an outside perspective and remind yourself of all the unique and beautiful qualities you possess and have the ability to share with the world. With enough time and effort, you will begin to see the pattern in your unkind behavior and its link to your own anger at yourself. The most important thing to remember, whether you are receiving or giving unkindness, is that you are inherently good, too, and deserve to be loved. Bless.
